We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
