one might say we're banned from that church
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
