hotel room ftw
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
