is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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