Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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