I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
