and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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