Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
