You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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