I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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