I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
