If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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