New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
