So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we're making bets on your personal life
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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