I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
