u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
