i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
