DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
