Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
