no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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