Christians are straight up FREAKS
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
