And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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