Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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