I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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