So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
