Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
