Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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