You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
