Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana