So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
