Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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