Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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