Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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