I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
