watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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