I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
