Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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