the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
