end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
