used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
