I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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