Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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