Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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