I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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