That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
