The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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