I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
