im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
