tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
