if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
