so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
