Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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