You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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