She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
