dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
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it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
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Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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