Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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