I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
