4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
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Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
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oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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