Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
