Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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