What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
