why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
