Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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