Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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