you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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