Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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