Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
