I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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