Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You're like the curious george of whores
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
