I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
